Can you imagine James Bond wearing a baby carrier? In 2018, tabloids published a photo of Bond actor Daniel Craig carrying his newborn daughter in a harness across his chest. The image made waves: A British TV host mocked the actor, calling him emasculated. After all, the movie hero, with his daring missions, expensive luxuries, and fast-paced affairs, is seen as the epitome of consummate masculinity: showing no emotion, acting decisively and aggressively, avoiding commitment, solving problems on his own – alone against the rest of the world if necessary. Craig as a loving, caring father obviously didn’t sit well with some people. But in his latest adventure, the secret agent he embodies is suddenly faced with the task of preparing breakfast for his presumed daughter.
To be sure, hardly anyone today publicly espouses such a rigid view of masculinity. Traditional gender roles seem outdated in many places, but they still have an impact. The figures reveal a strange contradiction in gender relations: On the one hand, men are advantaged in many areas. On average, they have higher incomes, own more money and land, are more likely to hold positions of power, do less unpaid work (such as housework or caring for relatives), and receive higher pensions.
On a personal level, however, despite their material privileges, men face many problems: They often have a harder time in school and training – a large proportion of those who leave secondary school are male. They are more likely to become addicted to alcohol and illegal drugs. About three out of four homeless people are male. The consequences of certain mental illnesses, such as schizophrenia, are more severe for men. In the case of homicide, about eight out of ten suspects in the European Union are men. At the same time, men are more likely to be victims of murder, robbery and assault. On average, men die five years earlier than women. In short, many men are in a much better position to lead fulfilling lives, but are unable to make the most of this opportunity.
It is an ideology of traditional masculinity that is partly responsible for many of the problems. That’s according to a 2018 guide from the American Psychological Association, which has already launched several mental health support guidelines specifically for disadvantaged minorities. But the fact that a socially dominant group came into focus with men was new. The reasoning: some traits considered classically masculine can be constricting and harmful – both to the individuals themselves and to those around them. Stoicism, autonomy, competitiveness, or aggression may be helpful in certain situations, but in others, men get in their own way. That’s why there are now psychological recommendations tailored specifically to the care of men.
The APA has put its finger on the wound: Recently, the gender debate has flared up again. New right-wing movements are fighting for the restoration of traditional roles and want to make classic masculine values such as discipline and willpower great again. Around the world, authoritarian statesmen such as Vladimir Putin, Viktor Orbán, and Recep Erdogan are gaining ground. But there is also a strong current in the opposite direction: Since 2017, the MeToo movement has brought sexual assault into the spotlight, and third-wave feminists are challenging a binary gender model that divides people solely into men and women. Terms like “toxic masculinity” are making the rounds and are always controversial. But what actually counts as “masculine”? How are these concepts transmitted? And to what extent is traditional masculinity actually harmful?
Psychologists have long studied how gender roles shape our identity. On the one hand, they can provide stability and orientation. On the other hand, those who adhere too rigidly to these norms find themselves constrained and unable to develop freely as human beings. This is called gender role conflict: Many men, for example, are taught to be self-sufficient and to take care of their own affairs. In itself, this is a valuable skill – regardless of gender. It becomes a problem when the principle is elevated to the status of unquestioned law.
What if we suddenly need help? In mental health crises, some men try to hide their worries, endure pain, and simply not show weakness. When their friends do the same, men hardly notice the problems of those around them – after all, everyone is busy pretending to be a strong man. As a result, they feel even more helpless, assuming that they are alone in their grief.
In 2015, research was conducted on why men do not seek professional help for depression and anxiety. In particular, classic norms such as “A man should never admit that others have hurt his feelings” or “A man should maintain discipline in the family” were addressed. Those who agreed with such statements were particularly reluctant to accept psychological advice in a crisis. This can have real consequences: Some men channel their psychological symptoms into self-harming behaviors (such as risky driving, excessive work, or substance use). This may protect their masculine self-image. But it also makes their situation worse.
The suicide rate is also disproportionately higher among men: They kill themselves at four times the rate of women, according to one global statistic. Some health campaigns are now trying to tailor their ads to the needs of men. The New York State Department of Health, for example, published “Real Men. Real depression.” But isn’t it a sign of weakness not to acknowledge one’s vulnerability?
“There is no such thing as masculinity par excellence,” says German sociologist and social psychologist Rolf Pohl. Ideas about masculinity vary from culture to culture and change over time: The male image of the aristocracy, for example, included a noble appearance, perfect manners, and skill in riding and hunting. With the rise of industrial societies, this concept faded further. Instead, the down-to-earth, upright family provider became the male ideal. Today, many look to the image of the resourceful entrepreneur who pursues his own version of success, beats out the competition, and likes to take risks in his personal life – in other words, an ideal of the strong, economically successful managerial type who is white and heterosexually standardized.
This is also called hegemonic masculinity. This refers to a social practice that seeks to secure the dominant position of men in society. To this end, a certain image is proclaimed as the ideal – even if very few can live up to it. Those who do not conform to this ideal are relegated to the back rows. This applies not only to women, but also to men who do not conform to this image (e.g., gay, non-white, or disabled men).
But even those who deviate only slightly from the norms sometimes face sanctions. The pressure is especially great among children and teenagers: For example, they talk about “faggot” or “tussy” when a friend bursts into tears or openly shows fear. The comments, usually meant as teasing, contain a hidden warning: Watch out, you’re about to step away from your masculine role! In a Clark University interview study, male teens reported mixed reactions to such rebukes. Some found them hurtful, while others defended them as welcome toughening that helped them swallow their feelings and mature into “real men. Some even emphasized that it was a kind gesture because it showed that the person was close to them.
It’s a paradox: most people associate masculinity with freedom and independence. On the other hand, there are extremely meticulous ideas about what exactly is appropriate for men and what is not. In other words, male privilege comes at a price: adherence to a sexist ideology that ensures male supremacy but also prevents adaptive development. Thus, being molded into a narrow set of norms is the toll that must be paid for the continuation of male dominance. In order to maintain their superior position in society, men sacrifice the very independence that their gender role promises.
Nowhere is man more distant from his ideal of autonomy and superiority than in the area of sexuality. After all, the traditional idea of masculinity includes an anarchic conception of homosexuality: a man should desire women, seduce them, and satisfy them. This creates pressure. Not everyone wants to play the strong stallion all the time. And it reduces a pleasurable, communicative act to the aspect of performance: flirting and sex become a task to be fulfilled. This leads to a dilemma: the desire for autonomy on the one hand, the heterosexual fixation on the other. The latter makes the man highly dependent and confronts him with an ambivalent ideal that he can never fulfill.
An extreme example of this are the so-called incels. This radical splinter group of anti-feminist men’s rights activists blames women for their unhappy single existence. They believe that men have a fundamental right to demand sex from women. At the same time, they keep getting hit on. Some of these men react to the loss of autonomy, which they experience as a crisis, with an increased willingness to use violence. The consequences are brutal in the form of killing sprees, especially in the southern states. Some of the perpetrators are (unfortunately) revered as heroes in relevant Internet forums.
But is there such a thing as toxic masculinity? I think not. Because what we call toxic was a social ideal not so long ago. And even today, the old macho model lives on happily under a new guise. So the catchy word “toxic” obscures a complex phenomenon, namely that masculinity is fixed and unchangeable. It gives the impression that men can’t help themselves. If that were the case, men would be limited in their own actions and harm others. But it’s not easy to change this image; it’s ingrained in our minds. So what can be done?
Marc’s goal is to critically examine his masculinity. To this end, he has formed a discussion group with friends and acquaintances. The 25-year-old is a father of two and considers himself a profeminist. Nevertheless, he sees tendencies in himself that bother him. For example, he feels that he cannot deal well with grief and rejection, which he then turns into aggression.
A men’s group – reminiscent of the somewhat dusty institutions of decades past, where men met for communal self-criticism. For many, the concept is more familiar as a parody. But beyond the clichés, what actually happens in a discussion group? Marc tells me that six of them meet every two weeks and spend the evening discussing. The list of topics is long. It’s about porn consumption, body standards, self-doubt – and who actually does the dishes. As banal as the latter may sound, it is here that the fair distribution of tasks in everyday life is decided. A critical examination of one’s own actions (whether alone or in groups) can help put outdated role models to the test.
But that alone is not a panacea for gender imbalance. I would like to point out that it is not easy to shake off the negative aspects of masculinity. Men have grown into this system and have mostly already genetically internalized these principles. It is illusory to believe that if we try to exorcise this devil’s work from men through a training program, we will have harmonious gender relations. The global imbalance between the sexes is not only perpetuated by personal misconduct, but also by structural causes.
Conflicts in the private sphere always reflect the dominant role of men in society, making it difficult to address them on a personal level. Observations of heterosexual couples from the alternative milieu who were trying to break up a classic division of roles in their relationship revealed precisely this difficulty. Even the men who said they rejected conventional norms of masculinity were not free of them. For example, they said that they refrained from macho behavior and sometimes wore a skirt. At the same time, however, they shied away from naming the inequalities in their private relationships – for example, when their partner again did most of the housework or childcare. These differences were quickly seen as gender roles.
The desire for an emancipated everyday relationship often remains hollow rhetoric – and the culturally transmitted role patterns still secretly find their way into the partnership. In other words, to the extent that men are no longer seen as the breadwinners of the family, they look for ways to stabilize their superiority and masculinity in the relationship.
And yet, gender roles are constantly changing. Public debates about masculinity have an impact on how we live together. Even the uber-man James Bond is no longer the same man. In the 1960s, the secret agent still acted like a cocktail-sipping gunslinger, but the Bond portrayed by Daniel Craig is much more ambivalent in his masculine expression. He still has the guns and the fast cars. At the same time, he struggles with loneliness and post-traumatic symptoms – and hints at homoerotic experiences. Whether he takes his hypermasculine heritage to the grave with him remains to be seen.